Being Good to One's Parents
بر الوالدينHonouring, serving, and treating one's parents with kindness
Qur'an
القرآن الكريموَٱعْبُدُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَلَا تُشْرِكُوا۟ بِهِۦ شَيْـًۭٔا ۖ وَبِٱلْوَٰلِدَيْنِ إِحْسَـٰنًۭا وَبِذِى ٱلْقُرْبَىٰ وَٱلْيَتَـٰمَىٰ وَٱلْمَسَـٰكِينِ وَٱلْجَارِ ذِى ٱلْقُرْبَىٰ وَٱلْجَارِ ٱلْجُنُبِ وَٱلصَّاحِبِ بِٱلْجَنۢبِ وَٱبْنِ ٱلسَّبِيلِ وَمَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَـٰنُكُمْ ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ مَن كَانَ مُخْتَالًۭا فَخُورًا
Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good, and to relatives, orphans, the needy, the near neighbor, the neighbor farther away, the companion at your side, the traveler, and those whom your right hands possess. Indeed, Allah does not like those who are self-deluding and boastful.
Translation: Saheeh International
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حُسْنًا ۖ وَإِن جَاهَدَاكَ لِتُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا ۚ إِلَيَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأُنَبِّئُكُم بِمَا كُنتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ
And We have enjoined upon man goodness to parents. But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them. To Me is your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.
Translation: Saheeh International
وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا
And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small."
Translation: Saheeh International
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنًا عَلَىٰ وَهْنٍ وَفِصَالُهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ إِلَيَّ الْمَصِيرُ وَإِن جَاهَدَاكَ عَلَىٰ أَن تُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا ۖ وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا ۖ وَاتَّبِعْ سَبِيلَ مَنْ أَنَابَ إِلَيَّ ۚ ثُمَّ إِلَيَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأُنَبِّئُكُم بِمَا كُنتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ
And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination. But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.
Translation: Saheeh International
Hadith
الحديث النبويجَاءَ رَجُلٌ إِلَى رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقَالَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ مَنْ أَحَقُّ بِحُسْنِ صَحَابَتِي قَالَ أُمُّكَ قَالَ ثُمَّ مَنْ قَالَ أُمُّكَ قَالَ ثُمَّ مَنْ قَالَ أُمُّكَ قَالَ ثُمَّ مَنْ قَالَ ثُمَّ أَبُوكَ
Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:
A person came to Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) and asked, "Who among people is most deserving of my fine treatment?" He (ﷺ) said, "Your mother." He again asked, "Who next?" "Your mother," the Prophet (ﷺ) replied again. He asked, "Who next?" He (ﷺ) said again, "Your mother." He again asked, "Then who?" Thereupon he (ﷺ) said, "Then your father."
In another narration: "Your mother, then your mother, then your mother, then your father, then your nearest, then nearest."
عَنْ مُعَاوِيَةَ بْنِ جَاهِمَةَ السُّلَمِيِّ أَنَّ جَاهِمَةَ جَاءَ إِلَى النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقَالَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ أَرَدْتُ أَنْ أَغْزُوَ وَقَدْ جِئْتُ أَسْتَشِيرُكَ فَقَالَ هَلْ لَكَ مِنْ أُمٍّ قَالَ نَعَمْ قَالَ فَالْزَمْهَا فَإِنَّ الْجَنَّةَ تَحْتَ رِجْلَيْهَا
It was narrated from Mu'awiyah bin Jahimah As-Sulami, that Jahimah came to the Prophet (ﷺ) and said:
"O Messenger of Allah! I want to go out and fight in Jihad and I have come to ask your advice." He said: "Do you have a mother?" He said: "Yes." He said: "Then stay with her, for Paradise is beneath her feet."
عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ مَسْعُودٍ قَالَ سَأَلْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قُلْتُ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ أَىُّ الْعَمَلِ أَفْضَلُ قَالَ الصَّلاَةُ عَلَى مِيقَاتِهَا قُلْتُ ثُمَّ أَىٌّ قَالَ ثُمَّ بِرُّ الْوَالِدَيْنِ قُلْتُ ثُمَّ أَىٌّ قَالَ الْجِهَادُ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ قَالَ فَسَكَتُّ عَنْ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم وَلَوِ اسْتَزَدْتُهُ لَزَادَنِي
Narrated 'Abdullah bin Masud:
I asked Allah's Messenger (ﷺ), "What is the best deed?" He replied, "To offer the prayers at their stated times." I asked, "What is next in goodness?" He replied, "To be good and dutiful to your parents." I further asked, "What is next in goodness?" He replied, "To participate in Jihad in Allah's Cause."
عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ رَغِمَ أَنْفُ ثُمَّ رَغِمَ أَنْفُ ثُمَّ رَغِمَ أَنْفُ قِيلَ مَنْ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ قَالَ مَنْ أَدْرَكَ أَبَوَيْهِ عِنْدَ الْكِبَرِ أَحَدَهُمَا أَوْ كِلَيْهِمَا فَلَمْ يَدْخُلِ الْجَنَّةَ
Abu Huraira reported Allah's Apostle (ﷺ) as saying:
Let him be humbled into dust; let him be humbled into dust; let him be humbled into dust. It was said: Allah's Messenger, who is he? He said: He who sees either of his parents during their old age or he sees both of them, but he does not enter Paradise.
عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو قَالَ جَاءَ رَجُلٌ إِلَى النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَاسْتَأْذَنَهُ فِي الْجِهَادِ فَقَالَ أَحَىٌّ وَالِدَاكَ قَالَ نَعَمْ قَالَ فَفِيهِمَا فَجَاهِدْ
Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Amr:
A man came to the Prophet (ﷺ) asking his permission to take part in Jihad. The Prophet (ﷺ) asked him, "Are your parents alive?" He replied in the affirmative. The Prophet (ﷺ) said to him, "Then exert yourself in their service."
عَنْ أَبِي الدَّرْدَاءِ أَنَّ رَجُلاً أَتَاهُ فَقَالَ إِنَّ لِي امْرَأَةً وَإِنَّ أُمِّي تَأْمُرُنِي بِطَلاَقِهَا قَالَ أَبُو الدَّرْدَاءِ سَمِعْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَقُولُ الْوَالِدُ أَوْسَطُ أَبْوَابِ الْجَنَّةِ فَإِنْ شِئْتَ فَأَضِعْ ذَلِكَ الْبَابَ أَوِ احْفَظْهُ
Abu 'Abdur-Rahman As-Sulami narrated from Abu Ad-Darda':
A man came and said, "I have a wife whom my mother has ordered me to divorce." Abu Ad-Darda said: "I heard the Messenger of Allah saying: 'The father is the middle gate to Paradise. So if you wish, then neglect that door, or protect it.'"
عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم لاَ يَجْزِي وَلَدٌ وَالِدًا إِلاَّ أَنْ يَجِدَهُ مَمْلُوكًا فَيَشْتَرِيَهُ فَيُعْتِقَهُ
Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) as saying:
A son does not repay what he owes his father unless he buys him, in case he is a slave, and then emancipates him.
عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو قَالَ جَاءَ رَجُلٌ إِلَى رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقَالَ جِئْتُ أُبَايِعُكَ عَلَى الْهِجْرَةِ وَتَرَكْتُ أَبَوَىَّ يَبْكِيَانِ فَقَالَ ارْجِعْ عَلَيْهِمَا فَأَضْحِكْهُمَا كَمَا أَبْكَيْتَهُمَا
Narrated Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As:
A man came to the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) and said: I came to you to take the oath of allegiance to you on emigration, and I left my parents weeping. He said: "Return to them and make them laugh as you made them weep."
عَنْ أَبِي أُسَيْدٍ قَالَ كُنَّا عِنْدَ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقَالَ رَجُلٌ يَا رَسُولَ اللهِ هَلْ بَقِيَ مِنْ بِرِّ أَبَوَيَّ شَيْءٌ بَعْدَ مَوْتِهِمَا أَبَرُّهُمَا قَالَ نَعَمْ خِصَالٌ أَرْبَعٌ الدُّعَاءُ لَهُمَا وَالِاسْتِغْفَارُ لَهُمَا وَإِنْفَاذُ عَهْدِهِمَا وَإِكْرَامُ صَدِيقِهِمَا وَصِلَةُ الرَّحِمِ الَّتِي لاَ رَحِمَ لَكَ إِلاَّ مِنْ قِبَلِهِمَا
Abu Usayd said:
"We were with the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, when a man asked, 'Messenger of Allah, is there any act of dutifulness which I can do for my parents after their death?' He replied, 'Yes. There are four things: supplication for them, asking forgiveness for them, fulfilling their pledges, and being generous to friends of theirs. You only have ties of kinship through your parents.'"
عَنْ ابْنِ عُمَرَ عَنْ رَسُولِ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ إِنَّ أَبَرَّ الْبِرِّ أَنْ يَصِلَ الرَّجُلُ أَهْلَ وُدِّ أَبِيهِ
Ibn 'Umar reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "The strongest form of dutifulness is when a man maintains relations with the people his father loved."
عَنْ ابْنِ عُمَرَ أَنَّهُ قَالَ قَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم احْفَظْ وُدَّ أَبِيكَ لاَ تَقْطَعْهُ فَيُطْفِئَ اللَّهُ نُورَكَ
'Abdullah ibn Dinar reported that Ibn 'Umar passed by a bedouin during a journey whose father had been a friend of 'Umar. Ibn 'Umar honored him generously and said, "The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, 'Maintain what your father loved. Do not cut it off so that Allah puts out your light.'"
عَنْ مُعَاذٍ قَالَ قَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم مَنْ بَرَّ وَالِدَيْهِ طُوبَى لَهُ زَادَ اللَّهُ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ فِي عُمْرِهِ
Mu'adh reported that the Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Bliss belongs to someone who is dutiful towards his parents. Allah Almighty will prolong his life."
Statements of the Salaf
أقوال السلفلاَ تُسَمِّهِ بِاسْمِهِ، وَلاَ تَمْشِ أَمَامَهُ، وَلاَ تَجْلِسْ قَبْلَهُ
Abu Hurayra saw two men and said to one of them, "Who is this man in relation to you?" He replied, "He is my father." He said, "Do not call him by his own name nor walk in front of him nor sit down before him."
Source: al-Bukhārī, Al-Adab al-Mufrad 44
مِنَ الْكَبَائِرِ عِنْدَ اللهِ تَعَالَى أَنْ يَسْتَسِبَّ الرَّجُلُ لِوَالِدِهِ
'Abdullah ibn 'Amr said, "A man's reviling his father is one of the major wrong actions in the sight of Allah Almighty."
Source: al-Bukhārī, Al-Adab al-Mufrad 28
فَإِذَا أَرَادَ أَنْ يَخْرُجَ وَقَفَ عَلَى بَابِهَا فَقَالَ السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكِ يَا أُمَّتَاهُ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ فَتَقُولُ وَعَلَيْكَ السَّلاَمُ يَا بُنَيَّ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ فَيَقُولُ رَحِمَكِ اللَّهُ كَمَا رَبَّيْتِنِي صَغِيرًا فَتَقُولُ رَحِمَكَ اللَّهُ كَمَا بَرَرْتَنِي كَبِيرًا
When Abu Hurayrah wanted to go out, he would stop at his mother's door and say, "Peace be upon you, mother, and the mercy of Allah and His blessing." She would reply likewise. He would say, "May Allah have mercy on you as you raised me when I was a child." She answered, "May Allah have mercy on you as you were dutiful to me when I was old."
Source: al-Bukhārī, Al-Adab al-Mufrad 12
قَالَ يَا ابْنَ عُمَرَ أَتُرَانِي جَزَيْتُهَا قَالَ لاَ وَلاَ بِزَفْرَةٍ وَاحِدَةٍ
A Yemeni man carried his mother on his back while making tawaf and asked Ibn 'Umar, "Do you think that I have repaid her?" He replied, "No, not even for a single groan."
Source: al-Bukhārī, Al-Adab al-Mufrad 11
فَوَاللَّهِ لَوْ أَلَنْتَ لَهَا الْكَلاَمَ وَأَطْعَمْتَهَا الطَّعَامَ لَتَدْخُلَنَّ الْجَنَّةَ مَا اجْتَنَبْتَ الْكَبَائِرَ
Ibn 'Umar said to Taysala ibn Mayyas, "By Allah, if you speak gently to her and feed her, then you will enter the Garden as long as you avoid the major wrong actions."
Source: al-Bukhārī, Al-Adab al-Mufrad 8
مَا مِنْ مُسْلِمٍ لَهُ وَالِدَانِ مُسْلِمَانِ يُصْبِحُ إِلَيْهِمَا مُحْتَسِبًا إِلاَّ فَتْحَ لَهُ اللَّهُ بَابَيْنِ يَعْنِي مِنَ الْجَنَّةِ وَإِنْ كَانَ وَاحِدًا فَوَاحِدٌ وَإِنْ أَغْضَبَ أَحَدَهُمَا لَمْ يَرْضَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ حَتَّى يَرْضَى عَنْهُ قِيلَ وَإِنْ ظَلَمَاهُ قَالَ وَإِنْ ظَلَمَاهُ
Ibn 'Abbas said, "If any Muslim obeys Allah regarding his parents, Allah will open two gates of the Garden for him. If there is only one parent, then one gate will be opened. If one of them is angry, then Allah will not be pleased with him until that parent is pleased with him." He was asked, "Even if they wrong him?" He replied, "Even if they wrong him."
Source: al-Bukhārī, Al-Adab al-Mufrad 7
رِضَا الرَّبِّ فِي رِضَا الْوَالِدِ وَسَخَطُ الرَّبِّ فِي سَخَطِ الْوَالِدِ
'Abdullah ibn 'Umar said, "The pleasure of the Lord lies in the pleasure of the parent. The anger of the Lord lies in the anger of the parent."
Source: al-Bukhārī, Al-Adab al-Mufrad 2
'Ata' ibn Yasar said that a man came to Ibn 'Abbas and said, “I asked a woman to marry me and she refused to marry me. Another man asked her and she agreed to marry him. I became jealous and killed her. Is there any way for me to repent?” He asked, “Is your mother alive?” “No,” he replied. He said, “Repent to Allah Almighty and try to draw near Him as much as you can.” So I went and asked Ibn 'Abbas why he inquired about the man's mother. He replied: “I don't know of a deed closer to Allah, Exalted and Majestic, other than dutifulness to the mother.”
Source: al-Adab al-Mufrad 4